Afraid

 I just wouldn't do it. I didn't believe in it. There's no way that's happening. I'm speaking on vaccination. Yeah, so people were dying around the country. At the job, it seemed that we had (have) a new outbreak every week. The world is seemingly over being cooped up in quarantine. I just saw 120,000 people packed like sardines in a stadium with the return of football last weekend. But before then I just wasn't having it. I come from a people that have been used to test the limits of all kinds of horrors so I was good with not being the next crash test dummy. My wife and my in-laws were on one side of the fence having received theirs. I couldn't fathom CVS or Publix shooting me up with that madness. Johnson&Johnsons one-shot solution wasn't a solution in my eyes with people having heart issues and whatnot.  No way in the blue hell was I going to get that shit in me. Not happening. My side of the family was like me. They not putting that in their arms. My Moms and Aunt mid-seventies so I understood their why. My brother beat cancer, so I could fathom his reasoning. My wife, she was begging me to get it. And then her Moms was on me to get it. Why were they on me suddenly? Because of my girls. My three beautiful daughters. Within about 2 weeks, the younger two seemed to get more than the usual bumps and bruises and who did they call out to? "Dada!!!!" I just kept hearing that term of endearment. They didn't go to Gramma. They didn't even seek out Mommy. When the most pain came and they were in need, they called out their Daddy. So I have some thinking to do. Let logic reign, I needed to ask the new family nurse my sister. "Should I get the vaccine?" My sister, bless her, didn't and wouldn't and couldn't sign off on it. Therefore, the next was my General Practice's PA. As a physician's assistant, I felt pretty secure in her assessment. Why was she so vague in her answer? Perhaps because I was specific to how the vaccine might affect an asthmatic. I've had my share of sinus and breathing issues over the last decade. I laugh about it because I was amazing enough to help produce my two little lights from the waist down, but still breathing had been a chore. My PA had still been quite instrumental in helping me breathe to the point where I don't use my inhalers even though I have several around including in the truck. 

With my two sources I trusted most not really helping with clarity, I even sought the opinion of my employer. What I found was that the company line was "get vaxxed" while the workforce was quite the opposite. No one of my kind was considering getting the vaccine, so that left me back at square one. I had to work it within and lock onto THE GOD in me. Not the 'we all gods' theory from my northern brothers, no THE CHRIST in me. Thus armed with the knowledge that I worked in a hot zone, my babies needed their superhero and that THE LORD GOD has always backed my play, I made a decision: I would get the vaccine. So I did it, round 1 just past my birthday. Here I am 51 and scared like a little kid. It took two seconds to get those and I had to wait 15 minutes to make certain there was no allergic reaction. Longest 15 minutes of my life! What if I start spazzing on the floor? What if it triggers my breathing issues? I was super nervous. The 15 elapses and I sent a text to my Mother-in-law and my wife. "Thank GOD" my other moms said. My wife was relieved as well. 

28 Days Later

28 Days went quick and in the meanwhile at the job, we had lost someone near and dear to a lot of people. It was sad. I don't know what more my company could have said but it bothered me that we didn't send everyone home and do a super cleanse and come back in two weeks. They cleaned his floor and I would learn that different floors had different rules. My floor requires, mandates even, that we wear masks away from the desk, while other floors don't. The company is all over the place, but the machine rolls on. It made me glad for my decision. While I'm not reckless with when or how I mask up, (always everywhere even after, ever after for real.) I can't count on others to decide my fate. I read an SI article where the writer said getting the vaccine is a responsibility, I disagree. It's a personal choice. What IS a responsibility is that one wears a damn mask, with or without the vax. I won't argue the point. This whole writing is just my thought. If you not masking up, stay over there, please. I'm good. I was nervous to even tell the receptionist for fear of my reaction to her reaction. I remember way before I got vaxxed, her saying out loud how she's never getting it. It was something I agreed with at the time but not for public consumption. She checked me in and was appreciative when I specified why I was there. I got round 2. I was waiting in the lobby and the prerequisite 15 minutes passed with nary an issue. My nerves were not this time. I smartly pushed off my workday to the back half. The shift came and went. Nothing. I sat with my wife in bed, she asked me how I felt. "Pretty damn good!" "It's not midnight yet." she said. Little did I know how prophetic the Queen's words would be.

The Night the Sideffects Kicked In

I'll be damned if I started feeling a bit fatigued. I lie there and it got all dramatic within a matter of half an hour. A stormfront had settled in as indicated by the flashes of lightning penetrating the blinds. Then I started heating up. Me and my brothers usually refer to 'heating up' as 3 straight pass completions or a ballplayer's own 6-0 run. I think it came from the old video game that would say the same. When you couldn't be stopped, the game would yell "He's ON FIRE!!" and that's what was going on with my body! I got up and took my temp: 101. I got back in the bed and began to shiver like I've never. I was holding on to the Queen's back and the blanket for dear life. The ride had begun. She made me take two Tylenol and I clung to her until she couldn't take the firestorm I was producing on her back. So I went to my side and shivered and rode the wave of my body defending against that which I had been against. I watched the blinds as the lightning strikes came and went while wondering if I could get through this. I went to the Source and started praying to GOD. "I plead THE Blood of JESUS over me!" "Cover me with the Blood of THE LAMB!" I yelled silently. While I might be a foul-mouthed heathen, in my daytime alter ego, I know where my bread is buttered! I went to work and had church on my side of the bed! When I was done, so was my shivering. I counted the seconds between the lightning flashes. Each time it was fewer and fewer. Then the storm was gone and nothing remained except the morn.

I had survived the night as my body and my faith kept me. That was Tuesday. Today is Saturday and I didn't really feel like myself until yesterday night. To sum up, I had to make my own decision in concert with GOD. I know HE would've steered me in another direction if HE didn't want me to move the way I did. For you? That's your own decision. Take a thorough look at the science but you may not end up with clarity. I don't think anyone really could tell me why I should've or should not have. Ultimately, I made the best decision for me. 

Chay 2021