Tuesday, September 28, 2010

At Least I Know Why


my breath is slow
so long as you know
that glow in my center
is the color of admiration
of you
what you do
is something i could not
you do everything
not
so much as effect lives
but amplify answers to whys
you soothe cries like that colic baby
and maybe im him
maybe i swim
perhaps i do not
perhaps i lie
in the middle of die and rot
as days gone by
but at least i know why

What The Stars Say with Their Back Turned


I smell the back of the universe
my atoms are dispersed
immersed amongst the stars
shards of GOD prod me along
my song is elongated
penetrated into the black
and what comes back is
something i do not recognize
because i have not yet
been taught it
bought it with blood
mud sweat some regret
more than a few beers
and tears along the way
spoke what i had to say:
there was a delay in
my acceptance
except with this a kiss
of the stars
leaves me victim to more scars
than what a tango with Mars
could ever do
I never got over you

chay 2010

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Preview of 'Angelhunter' Chapt 13.6

The door was closed by Crow looking back before he departed. The door closed and Arturo sat back down. “So…Miss Maria. I understand that you were the victim of Kenneth?” he said
“I-I was...” before Maria could finish her sentence he countered
“You were not consenting, were you?” He led her nodding slowly.
“R-right, sir” Maria said. She did not consent. But she knew how bad she needed the job. As a result, she knew what she needed to do to keep the job. Therefore she was able fend off her parasitic brother.
Arturo was not interested in the story. He just wanted to make his point that those were in charge were responsible for those that were in their employ. They were not to be exploited or abused. Thus, Kenneth was no longer there.
“So Maria, now that we have an understanding with that. Tell me how do feel about Kenneth’s departure?” he asked
“Well, we never really had a relationship. He got on top and did what he did. So, I wasn’t in love with him or anything. And it’s not like he gave me anything. I mean, if you don’t count this baby. But ….” She hesitated

“Yes?” Arturo said
“You didn’t kill him did you?” she said, with obvious concern in her tone.
“I did not. And this is why you must never be with him. He may want revenge against us for losing his gig. But since you don’t love him nor had no relationship, we don’t have to worry about that do we?” Arturo said.
“N-no sir” she managed to get out.
“Good. Do you plan on keeping the baby?” he asked
This was the million dollar question and Arturo kept his posture and same expression. This made it difficult to read him. But Maria knew she needed to be honest. Despite his demure demeanor, Arturo could be ruthless. And he really did not need to be. He had the soldiers to carry out harsh justice.
“Yes sir” Maria answered.
“Good. You should keep your baby. But the baby can never know its father. If I see Kenneth anywhere near here looking for you. Or if I see you with him or having to do anything with him on ANY level, all parties involved will be dealt with. Am I understood?” Arturo said this all very matter-of-factly. Again, he did not change his posture or demeanor. But he was deadly serious. She also knew that he meant the baby as well.
“Yes sir. I understand.” She said with wide fearful eyes.
“Good.” He smiled while Harp seemed to be trying to find something out of the window.
“Ok.” He sighed. “With that out of the way, let’s get down to other business.” He said.
“Other business?” Maria asked, curious.
“Yes! I understand you have been here for two years now. It’s time to reward your loyalty.” Arturo said
Maria looked on stunned. The events were both startling and surprising.
Arturo laughed. “Don’t be so surprised! We get the reports on you guys. It’s time to step you up. I want you to take Andre’s spot in the packaging room. With that comes a raise. You will report directly to Cynt and coordinate with Andre. They both will help to ease you into the position.” He said.
Maria was stunned. She did not know what to expect. She even let her mind wander to being taken to an empty room and being dealt with: permanently. She let her shoulders ease slightly with the thought of actually being able to take care of her baby.
Arturo interrupted her attempt at further daydreaming.
“So what do you think?” he said with a smile.
“I think it’s great, sir!! Thank you so much!” she said smiling
She jumped up giving him a hug.
“Ok ok!” he laughed. “Don’t get too happy. You have a lot to learn and it is a lot of hard work. But if you continue and grind with us, you’ll go even further.” He said.
“Thank you, sir.” She said
“You did it yourself. Now don’t stray too far. We’ve got a couple of meetings before I get out of here. After that, I’ll be back late this week or the first of next week to help y’all get situated.” He said.
“Ok sir.” She said.
Harp came to her chair with a silent smile and led her to the double doors. She walked to the packaging room to see Andre. Andre was with Cynthia and they were in the office that no longer belonged to him. He was emptying his drawers into a duffel bag. “Hey Maria, congratulations!” he beamed. She was surprised.
“Thanks.” She was hesitant to call him Andre. She had never known his name before today. “It’s all so much!” Maria said, barely able to stifle a smile.
“Well, it’s up to us to tighten the ship around here.” Andre said
“We have a lot to do.” He said
“yeah, that’s for sho. We gotta set the standard for all the spots. Not that we competin’ with them. But we gotta get right and stay right and then start to fly, ya feel me?” Cynthia said.
“I here ya…….boss!” Maria said.
Cynthia laughed. “Yeah yeah, boss. You gotcha own responsibilities now, no more pretty girl. You a boss ya damn self, chica!” Cynt countered.
“After these meetings, the three of us’ll need to have a quick meeting and hit the ground running.” Andre said. He seemed to understand the gravity of the changes. He also seemed to be willing to concede that he would be a number two for awhile longer. Really, he was glad to still be here.
“I think we need to be like Mr. Briggs in how he does things. We should have meetings about an hour earlier than when the fiends start showing. Things like that. We got one of the biggest spots in the city, so you right, Cynt. We gotta take it to the next level.” Andre said.
“You guys are right” Maria said thinking simultaneously of her own “next level”. She actually thought that her plan would have a shot after all. She could stay right here and focus on the plan. And with the pay increase, she could facilitate the plan faster. She could almost smell the surf. She just had to survive in a business not known for its longevity. She had done it for this long, and for the survival of her baby, she had to endure just a little longer. She had no choice if she wanted to have the happiness that eluded her for the breadth of her young life.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Preview of 'Angelhunter' Chapt 13.5

Chapter 13.5

He ordered greasy eggs and not quite done bacon. These were not the specific words out of his mouth of course. This was simply the best or worst this hole could produce. Still Mario needed it. He needed to be “un fuzzy” for once to process what was happening. “How could she have done this? After all I have done for her!” he thought. He shook his head. How could she bring a baby in the house? Who was going to take care of it? Maria could not even take care of herself he mused. He had been like a father to her whole life. A bizarre father to be sure. Mario could not see how perverse his way of thinking was. He actually felt as if he was of benefit to his sister. He was actually a detriment, a leach that stayed afloat off people who were weaker than him. The problem with his victims is that they were too stoned to know that they were not lesser. Specifically, his commodities were leaches in their own right. They were in with Mario for the quick easy fixes. They loved the lifestyle so he easily held reign over them. He would occasionally have to give the appearance of a bad guy, but ultimately it was the threat of withholding drugs that won the day. He had lost the grip he had over Maria all of their lives. “Why did she have to be with those thugs anyway?” Maria had used the drug lord’s employment to escape Mario’s. He couldn’t see that it was an upgrade from her body being the product. Mario thought back to when his mother had left them both. She had met the man of her dreams and left them to fend for themselves. They were fortunate in that they did not really bounce from place to place. They made enough to eat off Maria’s loins. Even then, he thought he was looking out for her best interests. She endured things she should not have at any age. Grown men were willing to pay more than his peers. Suddenly, Mario thought he had a career. He never could handle the women he collected and his sister was beginning to rebel as well. So, he had to shoot her up with that bitch: Heroin. Heroin could keep a dinosaur under control. It was the best thing he could’ve done. She was loyal for years until that dope dealer intervened. He thoughtfully chewed the eggs, wishing he had ordered hash browns or grits. The dry as dry wall toast would have to do. He washed it down with coffee and got a refill from Lucille Ball. He felt a panic rise as he was lost in further thought. What if Maria decided to move out? “No.” he thought “she wouldn’t do that.” Would she? What if she decided she needed leave? In a strange twist of sudden common sense, he thought that the baby’s best chance might not be a drug infested abode. That quickly dissipated into selfishness. “She’s not leaving.” He said to himself scowling. She was his meal ticket and he viewed this as his opportunity to get her back. Briggs would have to kill him to get her back he thought. This time it wasn’t bravado so much as desperation. He was not going to be stuck with the girls he was barely getting by with. This was his chance to get back on top and he was not about to blow it.

Maria left the house with a song on her heart and a plan in her mind. She went to work thinking of asking to do a bid in the marijuana fields. There she could do as much work as needed and get paid a little extra. The fields were on the remote outskirts of the city. She had built up enough good equity to be able to get the gig. No one mistrusted her at this point. She had been under Briggs’ employ for about two years now. The weather had turned and the work consisted of the indoor type. They had what was called the “greenhouse” as the planting for the spring would be next year. So Briggs had the Greenhouse with ultraviolet light on the plants. This yielded less than the fields and Arturo made up for it by purchasing directly from Mexico, exchanging heroin and cocaine with locals. At this remote location, Maria could make a go of it. The only problem with this plan was that she would have to get her boss’ approval. Another problem was that there might not be enough work for her there. The tasks were not as bad during that time of year, but it paid better because you had to leave your family for an extended time. So this time of year, with no harvesting, the spots were considered premium. Therefore, she would have competition to get one. However, if she could pull it off, she could save enough money and on the trip back, catch a ride out of town. She couldn’t fly or take a train or bus because Briggs had tabs on all the transportation avenues. He kept a well trained eye on all his employees. You needed permission to leave this game. You were sworn in for life in most cases. Most times when you left this business, you did it in a body bag. So, she would have to make her escape to her dream. It sounded like a solid enough plan. She would go over the details as she did all last night. Maria was going to do whatever it took to make a life for this baby, a life she and Mario never had. She entered the crack spot looking for the boss. This time she was there sans the infamous black skirt. Seeing as how she couldn’t sleep last night, Maria managed to get her things ironed crisp and tight. She looked as if she had just been issued new garb. She entered the Vicki after the routine security check. After the second checkpoint, she entered the courtyard. She saw the base heads getting ready to smoke the toxic fumes of their drugs. She overlooked them seeing Cynthia at the top of the stairs looking serious. “yo maria! We got business baby.” Cynt said. Maria jaunted up the flight of stairs and followed intently, curious. “What’s up, Cynt?” She asked.
“I don’t know. But Arturo is here. Some shit ‘bout to go down.” Cynthia replied. Maria wondered what the man himself was doing here. Her heart began to pound in her chest. Why did he want to see her? Did he want know about the baby already? Maria suddenly felt the urge to vomit. It was a good thing she had been regularly taking the meds prescribed by Dr. Patel. They made their way to the fifth floor. They arrived to a door to what used to be a meeting room at the Vicki. Cynt shot a worried look at Maria before knocking. Maria swallowed hard. She had never seen Cynthia nervous, ever. Cynthia knocked with the force of a man. The packaging room boss opened the door. “C’mon in. Y’all just in time.” He said. Maria eyed his features. He seemed to have the same look on his face as Cynt. The reason soon filled Maria’s irises. She spotted three men besides the packaging boss in the room. One man was dark skinned with short dreadlocks. She had heard about him. He was Crow. He was a straight killer. No questions asked, the streets knew he was not to be trifled with. The second man she spotted was known as Harp. He was the street commander. He performed a third security check patting Maria down, while Crow would perform the same with Cynthia. One could never be too careful in this line of work. Harp was second in charge to Arturo himself, number two on this chain of command. The guy leaning back against the window was the man himself: Arturo Briggs. Maria didn’t think much of the man’s overall appearance. He had on a big oversized jacket that he was removing as she entered the room. Underneath, he had a leather harness that housed a gun. That was over what appeared to be an older blue and black fabric sweater. The sweater had seen better days. This was the legendary Arturo? She studied him carefully. She surmised that he was dressed that way so as to not attract attention. Arturo was about 6’4”. He was a little over 200 pounds, solidly so. He had his hair cut low with a neatly trimmed beard. He had a look of calm on his face, very much unlike everyone else in the room. There was an air of tension that was almost tangible. The packaging room boss broke the silence by introducing the two women. “Mr. Briggs, this is-“Arturo cut him off “Please, call me Arturo. ‘Mr. Briggs’ is for the associates outside of our family.” He said with a soft, yet firm tone. Maria felt an overwhelming presence like that of a Godfather. “Thank you, sir.” The packaging boss replied. “Here are the two you requested.” He said.
“Thank you Andre.” Arturo said. It was the first time that Maria had ever heard the packaging boss’ name. Arturo gently guided him to a chair at the long table. The table was newly added for this meeting. “Please.” Arturo said extending his arm which was an invitation for everyone to sit down. He was more congenial than what you would expect. He sat down last at the head of the table pulling his chair up. “We are waiting for one more to join us.” He said. Just then there was knock on the door. “Andre and Crow?” Arturo said. They understood instinctively the order for them to answer the door. They opened it to a man of slim stature. “Reagan!” Arturo called out. “Glad you could join us. We were just starting. Come. Have a seat.” The two had finished the mandatory pat down opening his briefcase away from the table. One never knew what a closed case might contain. They carefully returned the papers to their origin, handing the case back to the accountant. He was a sharp dressed pencil of a man. He was black and bespectacled. He looked to be straight from “nerds-are-us”. Arturo plucked the young man straight from college. Reagan was in charge of making the composite final count of the numbers. He was also integral to the planning and financial strategy of the business. Arturo was fond of him because he was strictly about business. He was analytical and did not mind offering a dissident opinion if it was in the best interest of the operation. Reagan was not a regular member of the family. He was more like its advisor. Arturo hoped to possibly bring him on someday soon. Reagan would help to smooth Arturo’s eventual retirement. In the meantime, at this improvised meeting, he would tell them of the financial state of this particular crack house. “Okay everyone. As you may or may not know, we lost a member of the family. The head of this base, Kenneth is no longer with us. The reason being is that as an organization, we frown upon fraternization. “Arturo stated. It complicates what we are doing. It complicates what we are trying to accomplish as a family, as a business.” He continued. Maria was pale. Her mind was putting “Kenneth” with the face of her boss. He had been missing for more than a few days, now. She wondered if he had been “fired” or if he was allowed to walk. He would have to get permission to be released. But he had been on the team for awhile. She was surprised at the concern she was showing for the father of her baby. If he had permission, then she actually hoped he was okay. Despite the abuse, essentially daily rape, she cared. She did not know where the hell that was coming from. Maybe the baby was making her soft already.
Arturo continued “As a result, we are making some organizational changes. Effective as of right now, the new head of the Vicki will be Cynthia.” At first, the room sat in stunned silence. No one could believe it. It’s not that she wasn’t capable, she was full well. It was just that Andre was considered second in command. It seemed to be more of a statement that women were just important in the family as men. “Come on! Give it up!” Arturo barked the first to stand and applaud. Everyone stood and followed suit. “Okay. We have decided to create a new position of Head of Security at each house. The Head of Security will be the eyes and ears and is the most important person at each house. He or she will report directly to the Head of House and then to Harp.” Arturo said. The Head of Security is you Andre.” He said pointing. It was still a number two, but he was still a member of the family. That could’ve been considered a surprise as Andre never reported Kenneth’s indiscretions as the de facto number two. It was a second chance of sorts and Andre appreciated it. Everyone applauded. “Okay. Let’s keep at it folks. There will be two more quick meetings with the new appointees and Reagan; I need to see you and Cynt. Everyone come back in ten minutes. I need a minute.” He said. Everyone proceeded to leave except for Harp. “Maria, can you stay for a moment?” Arturo asked. “Yes” she said weakly. She was more nervous than ever. The door was closed by Crow looking back before he departed. The door closed and Arturo sat back down. “So…Miss Maria. I understand that you were the victim of Kenneth?” he said
“I-I was...” before Maria could finish her sentence he countered
“You were not consenting, were you?” He led her nodding slowly.
“R-right, sir” Maria said. She did not consent. But she knew how bad she needed the job. As a result, she knew what she needed to do to keep the job. Therefore she was able fend off her parasitic brother.
Arturo was not interested in the story. He just wanted to make his point that those were in charge were responsible for those that were in their employ. They were not to be exploited or abused. Thus, Kenneth was no longer there.
“So Maria, now that we have an understanding with that. Tell me how do feel about Kenneth’s departure?” he asked
“Well. We never really had a relationship. He got on top and did what he did. So, I wasn’t in love with him or anything. And it’s not like he gave me anything. I mean, if you don’t count this baby. But ….” She hesitated

“Yes?” Arturo said
“You didn’t kill him did you?” she said, with obvious concern in her tone.
“I did not. And this is why you must never be with him. He may want revenge against us for losing his gig. But since you don’t love him or had no relationship, we don’t have to worry about that do we?” Arturo said.
“N-no sir” she managed to get out.
“Good. Do you plan on keeping the baby?” he asked
This was the million dollar question and Arturo kept his posture and same expression. This made it difficult to read him. But Maria knew she needed to honest. Despite his demure demeanor, Arturo could be ruthless. And he really did not need to be. He had the soldiers to carry out harsh justice.
“Yes sir” Maria answered.
“Good. You should keep your baby. But the baby can never know its father. If I see Kenneth anywhere near here looking for you. Or if I see you with him or having to do anything with him on ANY level, all parties involved will be dealt with. Am I understood?” Arturo said this all very matter-of-factly. Again, he did not change his posture or demeanor. But he was deadly serious. She also knew that he meant the baby as well.
“Yes sir. I understand.” She said with wide fearful eyes.
“Good.” He smiled while Harp seemed to be trying to find something out of the window.
“ok.” He sighed. “With that out of the way, let’s get down to other business.” He said.
“Other business?” Maria asked, curious.
“yes! I understand you have been here for two years now. It’s time to reward your loyalty.” Arturo said
Maria looked on stunned. The events were both startling and surprising.
Arturo laughed. “don’t be so surprised! We get the reports on you guys. It’s time to step you up. I want you to take Andre’s spot in the packaging room. With that will come a raise. You will report directly to Cynt and coordinate with Andre. They both will help to ease you into the position.” He said.
Maria was stunned. She did not know what to expect. She even let her mind wander to being taken to an empty room and being dealt with: permanently. She let her shoulders ease slightly with the thought of actually being able to take care of her baby.
Arturo interrupted her attempt at further daydreaming.
“So what do you think?” he said with a smile.
“I think it’s great, sir!! Thank you so much!” she said smiling
She jumped up giving him a hug.
“Ok ok!” he laughed. “Don’t get too happy. You have a lot to learn and it is a lot of hard work. But if you continue and grind with us, you go even farther.” He said.
“Thank you, sir.” She said
“You did it yourself. Now don’t stray too far. We’ve got a couple of meetings before I get out of here. After that, I’ll be back late this week or the first of next week to help y’all get acclimated.” He said.
“Ok sir.” She said.
Harp came to her chair with a silent smile and led her to the double doors. She walked to the packaging room to see Andre.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Preview of 'Angelhunter' Chapt 13

Chapter 13

As usual, Mario did not know what time it was. The sunlight invaded his sight blinding him as if he were lying right next to the sun. He climbed over one of his “commodities” as he liked to call them. Mario was the type to use words he overheard. He did this to seem more important or smarter than he was capable. Last night was just like all the others: make a little scratch, spend some, no, most of it. They would spend it on marijuana, some coke, some liquor, etc. Mario was not making money, not really. Things had not been the same since he lost his money horse: Maria. Yes, things were rolling then. He would turn $500 a night with Maria on the stroll. How the hell did he lose her in the first place? That damn dopeboy Arturo Briggs was the cause of his misery. He had wanted to kill Briggs. Of course, he did not have the courage. Mario was a little twit of a man. He made his livelihood off the misery of others. He kept his commodities strung out to keep control over them. If they ever got up any nerve, he wouldn’t have any power, and thus no money. Everyone knew his whores were the city’s skankiest. They were more into feeding their habits than making a real change in their lives. Classless, it probably was just a matter of time before all five of them were dead. Shared needles, sometimes unprotected sex, were all a part of the loaded gun. It was a Russian roulette lifestyle worst than the sexual revolution and the freewheeling disco age combined. They lived in a world below the caste line of decadence. They were just substandard. They were barely above the roaches, representing the worst the city had to offer. They were the bastard children of the metropolis. If the city was repulsive, then they were irreprehensible. Utter filth could not describe them and Mario knew it. He looked at his stable and shook his head. “I gotta get me a new team.” He moaned. He looked at the bodies sprawled all over the place. He made it into the old kitchen with the well worn appliances. He was in a daze of daytime as if he were a vampire. He was one with the nighttime, the city’s feeding time. He was a supplier of the food chain, even though he was a bottom feeder himself. He reached into the cabinet above, waving off fruit flies that seemed to swarm. They were attracted to the old fermented alcohol that was left in the mass of beer bottles and Chinese food containers. He knew that he wasn’t high enough because he could smell the sour things. “Awh! Maria needs to clean this shit up!” he said. He opened the cabinet when came falling a six-legged paratrooper from high. A roach had landed and took off like it was fired from a rocket. Mario had too big of a headache to care. He reached for the sink, managing to survive the dog-whistle pitched whine of the faucet. He drank from the city water and the taste merely pushed through the dry in his mouth. He needed a damn drink and settled on a cigarette. Lighting it, he pulled up a chair to the 70’s style table with the vinyl floral seats. Each pull seemed to ease the hangover he had. He knew that he needed to get some food in him. The diner was not too far up the way. He would let the girls sleep and go for a walk to help clear his head. He went to his bedroom looking for one of his shirts to just throw on over his wife beater. He couldn’t find it immediately. “Maria got my shit?” He knew it wasn’t even in there, but in an effort to retain some sort of ignorant hold over her, he would invade her space. He went in looking around peeking in her bathroom. He then sat on her bed yawning. His hand landed on her mail. He looked at it and waved his hand splashing the ads and envelopes across a pillow. One of the pieces stood out from the rest. Mario picked it up. “City General. What’s wrong with Maria?” he questioned. He flipped back the divided pieces of paper to reveal the shock of his lifetime: it said Maria was pregnant. “What the fuck? I’m going to be an uncle?” Mario said in disbelief? He couldn’t believe it. His headache had intensified. He stumbled in silence to his room looking as if he had been shot. Without realizing it, he put a shirt on seemingly simultaneously grabbing another smoke. He somehow found his shoes and put them on. He was still lost in thought almost colliding with one of the girls trying to unzombie herself, getting to the bathroom. He managed a coat on. Already having slept in his pants, he was ready to make way to the cafĂ©. The weather was decent. He meandered down the block. “how the fuck could she not tell me? I’m her brother!” He stopped after some jerk in an El Camino honked at him and he looked back in a semi-scowl cursing back. He was back on his walk lost in thought, though he felt the need to verbalize. “and who the hell is the daddy? Hope it’s not one of them damn drug lords at the Vicki. I’ll kill one of those chocolate muthafuckers.” realizing that he was talking out loud, he glanced around making sure no Blacks were in the vicinity. He finally made his way to the diner. Greasy spoon was an understatement. It’s workers just as seedy as it’s customers, he was seated with surprising efficiency. “Coffee?” the waitress asked. “yeah” he called back. He was in a booth as it was catch as catch can with the seating. She was an old redhead with a hairnet to catch that mess of a mop. “thank God.” Mario muttered. Just then the waitress brought the cup of joe. He was glad. He would need all his senses to make head or tails of this new development.