Who Am I?

You know, I've never quite accepted the writing. It's what I think I'm good at, what I am supposed to be doing. I struggle with it. I start, I stop. I have ideas that are never formed and lay dormant in a prison or unhatched egg, a baby that is not quite given its chance to grow and develop into its full fledged self. I'm not sure why the idea tastes better than the journey. The idea often fulfills the hunger of creativity, but what good is it if I don't tell its story? The delicious irony is not short on me considering the name of this forum. In other words, I don't run out of them: ideas or words. I don't experience Writer's Block. I get the occasional stoppage or two of thoughtful contemplation but never is it the entity of the unknown. And because of that, I think I take my writing for granted. I feel bad about it being that gifts are fleeting at best. I'm just not sure what other's motivations are and even what my intent is. Monetization? Sure. Hitting the homerun so that I may take my legacy trot into Pulitzer glory? Perhaps, I need to fail at it some? But to do that, I would have to finish a project. I'm not certain what I should do but today at the nine-to-five I did make a declaration. I've accepted who it is I actually think I am. I am a Writer. What do writer's do? Write. I've asked multiple times of GOD, what to do in life. HE says the same thing he spoke over a decade ago: write. Everything else will take care of itself. So what have I done since? What was my response to the 5 word conversation HE and I had on several occasions? I took to ecommerce. (see tonicgirl.com) I've dabbled in Real Estate. I've messed about with Options. (see Stock Trading). I've stopped and started college THRICE.  All of this has been in an effort to get my side hustle going, which is a thing now. It used to be that one would go get a second job and let it do what it needed for your bottom line. Now its the side job or side hustle. Well, today I had a good long talk with myself while mired in misery, about what I wanted and what I am. (cue the Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDl3bdE3YQA) What I am is what I am. I am a Writer. Some wander lost in the wilderness trying to figure it all out. Well, its all about acceptance. We have to accept and learn to love who we are. I have a family member who is an AMAZING stylist. She wanted to do everything else but that in the big city, but at the end of it all she ended up in our hometown doing what she is meant. It took acceptance. Its why GOD has such a short conversation when I repeatedly ask the same age old question: what should I be doing. I accept it. So now what am I going to do about it? I am going to do what writers do: Write. Edit. Rewrite. Write again. Write some more. Rinse. Repeat. Everyday, like that Stephen King guy. So if you see me doing something else, please remind me of who I am and what I should be doing. I'll see you in the pages.


Chay 2019