The New Side

Image by buraianto via Flickr

whisper like whimsical
dim like the prism's full
of black light
but my nights of tossin'
and turnin'
burnin' in languished
anguish
are long gone
my new song is so strong
i just want to sing it all night long

a three pronged attacked
on my blackened outlook
shook off like dust
tape it together with trust
and paint it rouge
with a touch
of good old fashioned lust
it's a must that i stay in tuned
with the new lyrical swoon
wonderful miracles
on the blue side
no, the brand new side
of the moon

chay 2009

Jaded

I hate it when you say it
even when you think it
A ship
you could sink it with just a look
read through my soul
leave me exposed and naked
i wish i never fucked up Eden

bleedin' and needin' bandaged
damaged and ravaged
savage
i still manage
to my wayward feet
because defeat
know not i
no not i
know not why
i yet try again

are you my friend?
why would you be?
i can't see what you want me
to see
be the everyman you think
i should be
i'm almost not quite
quite the quagmired mess
mired in lack of desire
charcoaled over fire
illusion of together
atoms scattered
over tattered
battered worth

surf if you've the nerve
to perserve the contents
of your stomach
i caint when the mirror
comes calling
i go crawling back into the shadows
into the callowed shell
my internal hell
my fell into the abyss
all i got is this:
silent jaded screams
into the mist

chay 2009

Still I Am

Image by 1D110 via Flickr

Distant and resistant
to your flew
on who did that crap
over the cuckoo's nest
who knew the rest
would challange my manhood
my good and when i'm gotdamn ready
my steady hand
shaking uncontrollably
do i trust me?

CM me i'm all i got
as i plot to top my latest antics
in failure
mail it in
sit in this shit
marinate in sin
but damn that
lay prostrate
i'm still great
i just need to see it
and refocus the lens
im'a still win

i'm sick of we
it's now me
T-minus trust
thrust the rocket toward
the seemingly dream of me sky
live and let fly
try to catch if catch can
i'll be damned: i'm still a man

chay 2009

To The Next Sunrise

i cant and won't
rope and hopeless
but still i rock on
the dawn wants
what it wants
demands of my haunt
my hang out in my soul
my unmastered bastard
my loss of control

i wish and i will
thrillseek dante's peak
meek and mild
hide my wild
wide eyed smiled
at the villian in consumption

i came i saw
was conquered a long a lot
a time ago in the middle of the snow
as slow as it fell
as did i as dry wiped my eyes
im suprised i made it
to the next sunrise

chay 2009

A Hole In The Sun preview part II

Image by [ r ♥ c e y t ♥ y ] {I br♥ke for bokeh} via Flickr

A Hole In the Sun opening preview part II
2 months ago edit


Charlie smiled in his sleep as he thought of the wonders and bountiful essences it could carry inside. Charlie's Aunt Jean had brought it as a gift for him. It was the one thing he had received after his father left him to the merciless terror that his mother had become. Charlie's dad was his world for seven years until one day there was an argument and then nothing. No calls. No writing. Nothing. Daddy was. And then Daddy was not. Every time his mother saw little Charlie at that point, Charlie was a living testimony to heartache and a marriage gone south. Nothing Charlie could ever do was right. His lone oasis in his endless sandpit of a childhood was his Aunt Jean. Good ole Aunt Jean. Ever the optimist, when she came over, she seemed to make the world ok again even if just for a few hours. But the day came when Aunt Jean told Charlie that she was moving away for a job in the big city. "Charlie I will never be but a phone call away, you hear?" "You will always be my lucky charm Charlie-boy" he loved it when she called him that and Aunt Jean knew it. Except this time instead of the flashing wide grin she hoped for and loved herself, all she got were white hot tears. Endearingly looking down at him and caressing his soaked cheek, she offered of some encouragement, a kiss, and a promise. "I've got something for you, baby." See, this here is a magic box! In here are all the secrets in the universe. Whenever you open it, you just let your imagination run free baby. You can go wherever you want when you want. You can close your eyes and conjure up anything you 'lil ole heart desires. Now you remember your ole Aunt Jean and when you close those big pretty browns, think of me! Kiss for luck?" Charlie held the box tightly. It was as if Aunt Jean's ashes were in that box, along with his daddy's. It hurt but that box seemed to make things better. The box. The box he swore not to open until the next day after school. That box which held a whispered surprise inside. That box that Charlie stepped toward in his dream that caused so much excitement, that his thought long dead penis began to throb with life. Charlie kneeled above the box. Licking his lips in anticipation, he peered out of his bespectacled eyes and reached for the box like a man reaches for a woman on their first encounter. As he opens the box, Charlie crashes back into reality wondering, blinking blindly into the middle of the night realizing he isn't in Oz anymore, but back in Kansas with Antee M and his known sub universe that was his bed. He reaches for his glasses on the nightstand, and begins to do his nightly routine of opening his window to get a taste the night air. Stepping out of bed, he opens the window to a smell he hadn't experienced since that first day he mastered the mystic arts when he was 17, the familiar taste of magic. Suddenly, he falls onto the hard wooden floor, not of misbalance mind you, but of realization, the seams of the universe had busted a stitch. The lesion was open and all life was in peril again. He swallowed tightly as the night seemed to be alive, shivering with the thought of having to muster the courage to close the hole in the sun once again.

Glimpse of Glory

Image via Wikipedia

its the morning after
no mourning those
bastards that plastered
my kind
so my rhymes could
exist
sacrifice over time
grime grit and
savage bullshit
im a master of it all

your mind is too small
to crawl out that hole
your soul too simple
as i unwrinkle the ripples
in the middle of the universe
and disperse your ashes
in the back of the hertz
first before it crashes

imagine the tragic damage
done for my sake
step to
it's your wake
awakened from what
was taken
shaken and not stirred
the lines between seen and invisible
blurred
it never occurred to them
that i'm borne of glory

...that's just a glimpse
of my story

chay 2009

Moments Of Peace part I

Image by MahPadilha via Flickr

The Distance insistant
on my miscreant thoughts
harbored by wet whispered silence
tow the line between mental crime
for nary a rhyme or reason

Season two made me understand
how no one could love me like my hand
I'm just a man in this grand plan
but damn if it ain't some kind of ham
to breathe in this thing called life

I tried the hubby and wife thing
the ring held me hostage
to avoidance and nawcious rawcous
interactions with no satisfaction
to the point where there Stones sang
about the road to rain
and opportunity for pain
that proved what?

Im a product of mistake and recreate
similarity in fate
but of late i don't care anymore
the world being my oyster
isn't all this small window of being is
seeing is proof put in perspective
i'm selective about what i want

a simple moment of peace
a reason to cease with the rough and tumble seas
i just want calm waters
and a good life for my son and daughters
away with the bullshit that relations seem to create
since creation

chay 2009